Checklist for a Nasty Review

If you're going to write a real humdinger of a review for a book that triggered your gag reflex, here's a little friendly advice for you . . .

Have a Valid Point
Just because you hated the cover is not a solid reason to hate the book. You can rail all you like against the choice of model, colors, or font, but that bluster is not going to be taken as a serious commentary on the story.

Get an Editor
My favorite bad reviews are the ones that can barely spell basic English words. Really? You want to say the writer is an "ideot," because if you do, you should probably figure out that it's spelled "idiot" or you look like the imbecile.

Don't Crucify
If you have a hangup about Christianity, then guess what, little honcho . .  you should probably not read Christian fiction. Just sayin'.

Be Careful About Going Off Half-cocked
Never admit you didn't actually finish reading the book. How do you know things didn't turn around in, oh, say the last 3/4 of the story if you only read the freaking first chapter, hmm?

For Sweet Mercy's Sake, Check the Dang Title
Take the time to clarify that you're writing your angry review for a book you're really angry about. You look like a dork when you lambaste the wrong story.

Sometimes one-star reviews are my favorite form of entertainment. Sheesh.