What's So Good About Grief?
Random Thoughts on Sorrow and Death
It’s my mom’s birthday today. She would’ve been 100 years old, had she not died 6 months ago. I know she would’ve made it to this victory line, crossed it with sassy style, fist raised all the way, were it not for a forced solitary confinement. But don’t panic. I’m not going to go all political on you. Today I just need to hold someone’s hand while I process some grief.
And being that your eyeballs are reading this, you’re the lucky one to clasp my sweaty palm.
Grief is a strange emotion. Sometimes it’s shy. Quiet. Crouching in a shadowy corner so that you don’t even know it’s there. Other times it attacks like a thick, damp pneumonia, smothering and practically choking the life out of you. Most of the time, though, it’s in-between, hanging around like a familiar acquaintance you wish to tell to go away but you know your words would be wasted. He ain’t leaving. He’s got nowhere else to go.
I’m not a huge fan of sorrow, so mostly I try to ignore it. The thing is, though, you can’t. Not completely. Grief leaks out your eyes at the most unexpected times, like when you’re biting into a grilled chicken nugget or strolling through the door of the Dollar Store—both things I used to do with my mom. Things I’ll never do again with her. I don’t like this thing called death. It’s far too raw. Too permanent. And much too dark and scary large. For these reasons and a host of others, I suspect this is why grief is such a life-changing experience…which is a good thing.
Yes, you read that right. Grief can be a very good thing. Here are 3 things I’ve learned over the years about living with sorrow.
Grief causes you to consider God.
When your heart and tears are splattered all over the carpet and you know there’s not one thing any human in this world can do to give you back what you’ve lost, your thoughts will inevitably consider the giver of all—and at that point, either you will turn to God or away from Him. Here’s a tip: turn TO Him, it’s why you were created in the first place.
Grief reminds you to live in the now.
Death is the best cattle prod to shock you into being in the present. You don’t know when your last breath will be, so make the most of every breath that you do have. Be an encouragement to someone today.
Grief increases gratitude.
Losing a loved one is a cold reality that causes you to appreciate the loved ones you can still hug. No matter how irritating a loved one can be, in the grand scheme of things, even those little annoyances are small compared to how much you love someone. Tell someone today that you love them.
The first year of life after losing someone to death is hard. If you’re in that situation, cut yourself some slack. Sniffle when you need to. Give in to memories instead of shoving them away. Grief is a good time to remember you are human, not a superhero—and you don’t have to be.
