5 Minutes in a Writer's Head

Today I'm going to nail 5,000 words. Can't be that hard. I hear Jodi Piccoult does it all the time. She's a female, human, not raised by wolves. I'm a female, human, not raised by... dang it.

Wonder if I should have that 3rd cup of coffee now or later. Maybe later. No. I think there's one piece of chocolate cake left and I could inhale it before the teenager rolls out of bed. If she gets to it first, there will be nothing left but a faint brown smear on the plate where her tongue missed a lick.

**rises out of chair, then slumps down with a whump**

What am I thinking? I'm at least 10 pounds over my driver's license weight...which makes me a big, FAT liar. Fat, that's what will happen if I eat that cake.

Now then, 5k. 5k. 5k all the way! Here we go. . .

I'll just check my email real quick. Maybe I snagged a fanfreakingtastic review on Amazon overnight and ~ hold on. What's this? A screaming hot deal on pub food at Groupon? Well then, let me just clickey clickey, and...

Oh yeah. I shoulda balanced my checkbook like 5 years ago. Wait a minute. I've never balanced the stupid thing before. Why start now?

Click.

Okay. 5k. Let's do this thing...

It was a dark and stormy night.

Puke. Am I seriously copying a black & white beagle? Nothing against Snoopy. The Thanksgiving Special is my favorite, or maybe when Linus recites the Christmas story with his cute, lispy, little boy voice.

Hold on.

Are those footsteps I hear coming down the stairs? That cake will be gone in a quick-slap second if teenager sniffs out where I hid it behind the sofa pillow.

**ears perk, radar antenna rises out of head**

Whew. Nope. False alarm.

**resettles behind in rolly office chair, which attracts the attention of puppy, who's so stinking cute we must roll around the office several times laughing insanely as puppy chases and ends up wiping out against the wall**

5k. 5k. 5...okay, where was I? Setting wasn't working. Skip to dialogue.

"Are you crazy? I told you never--ever--to mix ground dolphin in with the tuna. We'll have PETA activists climbing down our throats and it's all your fault. Idiot!"

Yikes. That's way too controversial. Maybe I should do a sex scene instead. Nah. I'm a Christian. Everyone knows Christians don't do that.

Think I'll go eat cake.